How to Organize a Rebellion at Your Child's School

Both my children started at a preschool last fall that we were very excited about. There were some problems in the beginning and some unhappy parents. Too many kids in too small a space. There were other issues that arose, too, and there appeared to be no forum to address these issues except in one on one meetings with the director.

Parents are at a disadvantage. There are no parent meetings, no newsletters or website. We have no shared understanding of what is going on at the school, not even in our children's classes, and so cannot together address any issue. 

The director is a self-proclaimed "non-believer" in the importance of parent involvement. (She told us this at the school's first ever parents meeting, organized only for one class due to the on-going pressure by its uppity parents.) She refuses to read any literature on the matter that I offered to share because she believes she can find other research that refutes the claim that parent involvement has a positive impact on children. And I had only suggested volunteering and a newsletter, not a School Community Council.

There was a good showing at the parent meeting, although most of the people there were not Jordanian. I have a feeling that is somehow related to the fact that almost every day the King of Jordan is on the front page of The Jordan Times. "Trust me!" the director tells us. "Don't worry!" What's the point in wasting everyone's time with all this involvement, participation and communication?

With my stealth community organizing experience, I have been approaching all this with a firm belief that we can make change if we tread carefully, involve the necessary players and start with a win-win project. It looks like that'll be the newsletter. My specialty: propaganda. 

Unusual Morning

These days while I'm not going into an office, getting myself ready for the day has become less of a priority than getting the family out of the house on time. Today that felt boring. Additionally, my whole body was in pain: a new spin class combined with day 5 of a cold. And the lovely day 3 of pink eye. 

While getting the kids their breakfast, one of them pulls out a drawer from the hall table. Keys, scissors and countless pins and needles scatter across the floor. I bring the kids in the kitchen, close the door, focus on making coffee. Kids decide to investigate. Mom warns. Mom threatens. Mom drags children back into kitchen. Child cries, won't eat breakfast. Sigh. Recover. Calmly help child to eat. Husband comes in and asks why coffee is not ready. It was supposed to be a joke. (Let's review: I don't feel well this morning.)

Next scene: Me sitting on my knees picking up pins and needles between sips of coffee her kind husband brought her. Now trying to put drawer into table. Not working. Trying patiently. Resolving to try a few more times before calling husband over to do it. CRASH! Ow. The frame of the wall mirror above the table is now encircling me. Large broken shards of mirror are on my lap and the floor and the drawer of pins and needles on my lap. Oh, and the hot coffee, yeah, it's all over me and the white carpet. 

Husband from the other room: what the hell...(unspoken but implied: ...have you done now?) Then as he sees me: are you OK? Me: I think so.

I step out of the wreckage and escort the children into the other part of the house. Close the door. Chuck bathrobe in dirty laundry. Rinse hair in case of broken glass. Try not to cry. Am thankful to hear husband vacuuming. Imagine telling friends over drinks about this as a funny story. Then, start day again, this time getting myself dressed for it.

First Born

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? yes,  but we weren't expecting it to happen so quickly, i.e. first attempt

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? no

3. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION? speechless happy anxiety and desire for a cigarette

4. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 31

5. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? home pregnancy test purchased and taken at Gatwick airport during layover between flights on the way to the Edinburgh Festival from Freetown, Sierra Leone...needless to say the planned hedonistic vacation became something altogether different.

6. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? david...I can still see him pause in pushing the luggage trolley when he read the look on my face

7. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? no, but they accidently told us anyway

8. WHEN WAS THE DUE DATE? April 2, 2004

9. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? no, I had all day sickness, but in the second trimester (I vomited more in those months than total over the course of my life up to that point)

10. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? lemonade & coke

11. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU? not knowing for a long time where we would go to have the baby: insurance by my Dutch employer covered me anywhere in the world except for the US due to high cost: should we go to Europe? (cost of rent, no family help) We can't stay in Freetown, not capable to deal with unanticipated complications. But TN could not tell us if I would qualify for Tenncare unless I flew there to apply... Best not to get married then, to increase my chance of qualifying. The alternative was risking bankruptcy if, god forbid, the baby came early or either of us needed special care.... Couldn't buy insurance at that point because it was a "pre-existing disorder"...

12. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? boy

13. DID YOU WISH YOU WERE GETTING THE OPPOSITE SEX THAN YOU WERE GETTING? in a way...I  was expecting him to be a boy, but I was not mentally prepared to mother a boy.

14. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? 50!

15. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? yes, my high school friend, Lisa hosted, and it was beautiful!

16. WAS IT A SURPRISE? no

17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING THE PREGNANCY? no

18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Women's East Erlanger, Chattanooga, TN

19. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? about 10 hours

20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? my mother...she decided to go through downtown on a Friday night. Nothing quite like watching people out enjoying the evening while having contractions.

21. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? my husband, mother, sister, mother-in-law, doula, midwife, nurses, and doctor (it was quite the party)

22. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? natural

23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? no

24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7 lbs. 15 oz. (about 3.5 kg)

25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? 4:02 a.m. on April 3

26. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Miles Louis Rudder Brigham

27. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? 4 years, 10 months, 16 days

 

Ventia

Tribute to Ventia: Sara and Brandon's cat. I didn't know her that well. But my sister and brother-in-law took such loving care of her for years & years that there had to be more than her high maintenance and beauty. She was an inspiration! May she have a good next life.

My 25

1) I always dream, and I always remember them. 

2) I have studied 6 languages and failed to become functionally literate in any of them.

3) My lack of skill in studying language forced me to choose a study-abroad program without a focus on language. That was the first time I left the USA, and those 4 months on SIT's Tibetan Studies program had a hugely positive and life-changing impact on me.

4) I have a faded red birthmark on my neck that looked like a hickey when I was in high school, and often I left people guessing.

5) I haven't turned on the TV in my house since the Beijing Olympics.

6) I have had more than 25 different employers/jobs; my least favorite of which was waiting tables in uniform, breakfast shift at a run-down hotel.

7) I cannot muster any real or lasting interest in symbols, thus no tattoos.

8) The best car I ever owned was the first car I ever owned: a 1980 fiat spider convertible that I wrecked about 3 weeks after I turned 16. 

9) Though the salary was barely enough to live on, I consider myself lucky to have been a community organizer in Chattanooga: working for a good cause (better public education), with inspiring, generous people from all walks of life, and learning so many things about my hometown. 

10) I believe there are people who can see things others can't: things in the past or the future or just stuff about a person they don't know. I've met 3 people like this, and they were all women.

11) I am very bad with titles and naming things. Twice I've had a cat named Kitty.

12) When I first met my husband, he was smoking a sugared-filter clove cigarette, and I bummed one off him.

13) I am often frustrated when reading a book that I can't ctrl-F and find what I'm looking for.

14) I find pleasure in editing and always the task creeps into my job descriptions, no matter the job.

15) My paternal grandmother was an editor, and there are people in my family who believe I have inherited certain characteristics from her. Since she's a sort of tragic figure, I have always been wary of the comparison. 

16) When I was a kid, I often felt that I was a curly, red-headed girl trapped in a boring, stringy-brown-haired girl's body.

17) I was once voted "most valuable chic" for my team at a coed ultimate frisbee tournament.

18) My love for coffee is only just greater than my disappointment at being part of a fad of obsessive coffee drinkers.

19) I am in a constant state of bliss when I dance, especially if it's a coordinated partner or group dance. As a child, I often used to fantasize of living in a different time when organized dance was a regular part of life.

20) I also regret not living in a time where people wear hats. I love hats.

21) In 1990, I found lasting comfort in Walt Whitman's Song of Myself: Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)

22) Because I love New Orleans and my husband had attended an emergency response training in the UK with a professor who was preoccupied with what would happen to NO if a hurricane hit, we were watching hurricanes for years in anticipation of Katrina.

23) My weight increased by 42% exactly with each of my pregnancies even though I didn't change my diet much. 

24) I prefer living in a place where I can wear a sundress and sandals at night.

25) I have been writing in a journal since I was 15.

 

Inauguration

Less than 48 hours in the district. A splurge to be part of history. Yet I amazingly almost missed my flight there. If I had missed it, it would have been a total loss.

I was 2 hours early, but I missed the boarding call...and the personal announcements for Ms. Rudder. I never saw anyone board because it was a small flight, no lines. I sat in the waiting area. I called Mom. She asked why I wasn't on the plane (good ol' mom). It was past time for the plane to be in the air; I just thought it had been delayed. 

I reached into my pocket, and alas, no boarding ticket. For once I'd printed it at home, and apparently the recycled paper folded up into a small square in my shallow pocket must have fallen out and been swept up (the cleaner was just coming out of the bathroom when I went back in to check). 

I waited at the desk as they helped another person. I wasn't panicking yet. It wasn't until I asked them about what I should do about my lost boarding pass that I realized that the passengers had already boarded. It hadn't taken off because they were de-icing it. Can I still get on? We'll have to ask the pilot.....(panic sets in). The pilot says no, it's too slippery now that they have started de-icing. But I have boots on! It's only three steps into the plane! I have to make this flight! OMG, I can't miss this flight! I've been here for 2 hours! I didn't hear you call to board the plane (etc). (now i'm making a scene)

We'll ask the pilot again..... So while I am beating my head against the wall in total disbelief that this happened, the other guy at the desk says, so can I see your boarding pass? Um, no, I lost it. Did you check any bags? No, I've just got this little bag here (and I just walked up to the gate and no authority has seen proof of who I am or that I ever bought a ticket). No comment. The other comes to get me. The pilot has miraculously agreed. We walk to the plane. The stewardess asks if I have a ticket. I say yes, but have nothing to show her so nonchalantly move to a seat. (I cannot f--king believe I just got on that plane.) 

From there it was a breeze. I was expecting mobs at the airport, but no, that was on the way home. Most people had already arrived. After dinner, we hit the bars on 18th St. It was crowded and full of energy. It was novel enough to do a bar scene after years away from that. At one point, I found myself to be one of three white-looking people in a place filled with African-American-looking people. The music was cool, and people were more singing/rapping along than getting into the dancing. I  really wished I knew the words.

The next day we were in the crowd filled streets, everyone headed in the same direction. We parked ourselves by the Washington Monument. Being on a slight hill, we had views all around. I don't normally fear being trampled to death, but having read a couple of good books describing such an awful scene, and having with us my nephew in a stroller, the hill felt instinctively safer somehow.

I felt a little childish being free from my own parenting responsibilities. Having a hard time concentrating on the speech and being very short, I searched for faces and saw mostly the backs of hoods and hats. The shadow of the monument behind me inched closer, and when I'd turn around to take it all in, it always surprised me how enormous this thing was, darkly shadowed with sunlit flags flapping all around. I jumped up and down in a vain attempt to keep warm. I felt a little dizzy and nauseated from shivering for so long. The bright sun and the cold and the thrill of the moment made me feel silly and happy to be with all the strangers, but I couldn't wait to get to a bar. We stumbled towards warmth, giddy and exhausted.

Things from home I miss (other than people)

• salted butter
• better options at the cinema
• good ice cream
  
• sidewalks
  
• cheaper prices
• curb-side recycling
  
• large deciduous trees
  
• thunder storms
• spicy Italian sausage (and all pork products)
• plentiful grass lawns
• rose's lime
• Target
• a general appreciation for physical activity